He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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