Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
did you just send me my own nude
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
