OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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