I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
