i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
