he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
