He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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