From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
