you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize