i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
