i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
is that a dick in a sweater?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize