He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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