maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
