There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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