Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
