We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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