then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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