she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
