Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
