just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize