dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
