My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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