lets start a swedish sibling band together
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
