this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
