They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
