At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
