1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
