At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
