so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
