you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
