You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i out mim tonsoeep
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