Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
