did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
