In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
