Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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