Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
