woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
