One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
