Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
