New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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