I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
