He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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