Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Sorry about my life...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
PANTIES FOUND
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