my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
