Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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