so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
