WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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