Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
how can u be prego again
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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