I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
