I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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