She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize