I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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