Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
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