I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I love having hate sex.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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