people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
is it fun? or sober?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
