i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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