were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
