She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize