Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize