And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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