and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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