I think i peed on brittanys purse
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Randomize