Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
