when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Randomize
