its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
