You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
