Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
