He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
