i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i think i scared a bird with my dick
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
