My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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