Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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