I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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