I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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