You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
