I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
