I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
