don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize