I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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