Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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