im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
