You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
