Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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